A Congressman was once asked about his attitude toward whiskey.
"If you mean the demon drink that poisons the mind, pollutes the body, desecrates family life, and inflames sinners, then I'm against it."
"But if you mean the elixir of Christmas cheer, the shield against winter chill, the taxable potion that puts needed funds into public coffers to comfort little crippled children, then I'm for it."
"This is my position, and I will not compromise!"
A salesman was traveling between towns and got a flat tire in the middle of nowhere. Checking the spare, he found that it was flat, too. His only option was to flag down a passing motorist and get a ride to the nearest town.
The first vehicle to stop was an old man in a pickup truck.
He yelled out the window to the salesman, "Need a lift?"
"Yes, I do," replied the salesman.
"Are you a Democrat or Republican?" asked the old man.
"A Republican," replied the salesman.
"Get screwed!" yelled the old man as he sped off.
The next to stop rolled down the window and asked the same question, to which the salesman gave the same answer, "Republican." The driver gave him the finger and drove off.
The salesman thought it over, and decided that maybe he should change his approach, since there appeared to be few Republicans in this area.
The next car to stop was a red convertible driven by a beautiful blonde. She smiled seductively and asked him if he were a Democrat or Republican.
"Democrat!" shouted the salesman.
"Hop in!" replied the blonde.
Driving down the road, he can't help but stare at the gorgeous woman in the seat next to him. The wind blowing through her hair, perfect breasts, and a short skirt that continues to ride higher and higher up her thighs.
Finally, he yells "STOP THE CAR! STOP THE CAR!" She slams on the brakes, and, as soon as the car stops, he jumps out.
"What's the matter?" she asks. "I can't take it!" he replies.
"I've only been a Democrat for five minutes and already I want to screw someone!"