First at the trough

This is an actual letter sent to the Secretary of Agriculture, Washington, D.C.

Dear Mr Secretary:
My friend Bordereaux received a check for $1000.00 from the Government for not raising hogs and so i am going into the not raising hog business. What I want to know, is what is the best kind of land not to raise hogs on and what is the best kind of hogs not to raise? I would prefer not to raise raiserbacks, but if this is not the best kind not to raise, I will just as gladly not raise Durocs or Poland Chinas. The hardest part of this business is going to be keeping an individual record on each one of the hogs I do not raise.

My friend Bordereaux has been raising hogs for more than 20 years and the most he ever made was $400.00 in 1918 until this year when he received $1000.00 for not raising 50 hogs. I will get $2000.00 for not raising 100 hogs, etc. I plan to start off on a small scale, holding myself down to 4,000 hogs for which I will, of course, receive $800,000.00.

Now these hogs I will not raise will not eat 100,000 bushels of corn. I understand you pay farmers for not raising corn. Will you pay me for not raising 100,000 bushels of corn which I will not feed to the hogs which I am not raising? I want to get started as soon as possible, as this looks like a good time of year for not raising hogs.

Yours very truly,
Octave Brussard

P.S. Can I raise 10 or 12 hogs on the side so we can have a little ham and bacon to eat?