Funny Jokes Blogger

In the world of romance, one single rule applies Make the woman happy. Do something she likes and you get points. Do something she dislikes and points are subtracted. You don't get any points for doing something she expects -- Sorry, that's the way the game is played.

Simple Duties
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- You make sure there's plenty of gas in the car..........+1
- You make sure there are barely enough fumes in the car to make it to the nearest gas station...-1
- You take out the recyclables and stack them neatly by the curb...+1
- You take out the recyclables at 4:30 am, just as the truck pulls away...-1
- You load the dishwasher whenever you dirty a dish.......+1
- You leave dishes in the sink............................-1
- You leave them under the bed............................-5
- You leave the toilet seat up............................-1
- You replace the toilet-paper roll when it's empty........0
- When the toilet-paper roll is barren, you resort to Kleenex...-1
- When the Kleenex runs out, you shuffle slowly to the next bathroom...-2
- You make the bed........................................+1
- You make the bed, but forget to add the decorative pillows....0
- You throw the bedspread over rumpled sheets.............-1
- You check out a suspicious noise at night................0
- You check out a suspicious noise and it's nothing........0
- You check out a suspicious noise and it's something.....+5
- You pummel it with a six iron..........................+10
- It's her father........................................-10

Social Engagements
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- You stay by her side the entire party....................0
- You stay by her side for a while, then leave to chat with a ollege buddy..-2
- Named Tiffany...........................................-4
- When mingling, you hold your mate's hand and gaze at her lovingly... +1
- When mingling, you introduce her as "the ol' ball and chain," and pat her on the rump...-5

Saturday Afternoon
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- You go to the mall together.............................+3
- You go to the mall, drop her off at the entrance, then park the car...+4
- You go to the mall, drop her off at the entrance, then drive to a sporting event...-2
- You spend the day shopping for furniture and pretend to like it...+3
- You spend the day shopping for furniture, and nap on a sectional...0
- You spend the day at a wholesale club, buying in bulk...+3
- Most of it snack food for watching football games.......-6
- You tackle a large household project, such as painting the den...+15
- Or refinishing the floors..............................+16
- Or rewiring the basement...............................+17
- Or adding a second floor...............................+18
- Or setting up a Nerf Ball hoop over the bathroom wastebasket.....-6
- And you're tickled pink about it.......................-15
- You visit her parents...................................+1
- You visit her parents and actually make conversation....+3
- You visit her parents and stare vacantly at the television....-3
- And the television is off...............................-6

Her Birthday
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- You take her out to dinner...............................0
- And it's all-you-can-eat night..........................-3
- You go to a nice, pricey restaurant and hire a guitar player....+3
- You go to a pricey restaurant, hire a guitar player and get up and sing......+4
- And you stink...........................................+2
- And you're not half bad.................................+5
- You get up and sing a Barry Manilow song, and you're escorted out to much applause...-2
- You give her a gift......................................0
- You give her a gift, and it's a small appliance........-10
- You give her a gift, and it's not a small appliance.....+1
- You give her a gift, and it isn't chocolate.............+2
- You give her a gift that you'll be paying off for months.....+30
- You wait until the last minute and buy her a gift that day.......-10
- With her credit card...................................-30
- And whatever you bought is two sizes too big...........-40

Thoughtfulness
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- You forget her birthday completely.....................-10
- You forget your anniversary............................-20
- You forget to pick her up at the bus station...........-25
- Which is in Newark, New Jersey.........................-35
- And the pouring rain dissolves her leg cast............-50

A Night Out With The Boys
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- Go out with a pal.......................................-5
- And the pal is happily married..........................-4
- Or frighteningly single.................................-7
- And he drives a Trans Am...............................-10

Her Night Out
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- You watch the kids while she goes out with her annoying work friends.....+5
- She goes out with her annoying work friends, and she comes home late....+10
- You wait up............................................+15

A Night At Home
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- You watch TV together....................................0
- You rent a movie........................................+1
- You rent a movie and it's SENSE & SENSIBILITY...........+3
- It's SENSE & SENSIBILITY and you stay awake throughout..+5
- It's SENSE & SENSIBILITY and you fall asleep............-1
- It's SENSE & SENSIBILITY and you fall asleep and drool..-2

A Night Out
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- You take her to a movie.................................+2
- You take her to a movie she likes.......................+4
- You take her to a movie you hate (anything with Susan Sarandon)....+6
- You take her to a movie you like........................-2
- It's called DeathCop 3..................................-7

Flowers
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- You buy her flowers only when it's expected..............0
- You buy her flowers as a surprise............+5
- You give her wild flowers you've actually picked yourself.........+10
- And she contracts Lyme disease.........................-25

Your Physique
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- You develop a noticeable potbelly...-15
- You develop a potbelly and exercise to get rid of it...+10
- You develop a potbelly and resort to loose jeans and baggy Hawaiian shirts...-5

Finances
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- You spend a lot of money on something impractical.......-5
- Something she can't use................................-10
- Such as a motorized model airplane.....................-20
- And your kid needs braces..............................-30
- In fact, all four of the kids need braces.......-120

Driving
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- You lose the directions on a trip.......................-4
- You lose the directions and end up getting lost.........-10
- You end up getting lost in a bad part of town..........-15
- You get lost in a bad part of town and meet the locals up close and personal...-25
- She finds out you lied about having a blackbelt.......-60

The Big Question
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- She asks, "Do I look fat?"..............................-5
(Sensitive questions always start with a deficit)
- You hesitate in responding.............................-10
- You reply, "Where?"....................................-25

Communication
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- When she wants to talk about a problem, you listen, displaying what looks like a concerned expression...0
- When she wants to talk, you listen, for over 30 minutes...+5
- You listen for more than 30 minutes, without looking at the TV...+10
- She realizes this is because you've fallen asleep......-10