Funny Jokes Blogger

Some men in a pickup truck drove into a lumberyard. One of the men walked in the office and said, "We need some four-by-twos."

The clerk said, "You mean two-by-fours, don't you?"

The man said, "I'll go check," and went back to the truck. He returned in a minute and said, "Yeah, I meant two-by-fours."

"Alright. How long do you need them?"

The customer paused for a minute and said, "I'd better go check." After awhile, the customer returned to the office and said, "A long time. We're gonna build a house."

A blonde is visiting Washington, DC. This is her first time to the city, so she wants to see the capitol building. Unfortunately, she can't find it, so she asks a police officer for directions.

"Excuse me, officer," the blonde says, "how do I get to the capitol building?"

The officer says, "Wait here at this bus stop for the number 54 bus. It'll take you right there."

The blonde thanks the officer and he drives off.

Three hours later the police officer comes back to the same area, and sure enough the blonde is still waiting at the same bus stop.

The officer gets out of his car and says, "Excuse me, but to get to the capitol building, I said to wait here for the number 54 bus. That was three hours ago. Why are you still waiting?"

The blonde says, "Don't worry, officer, it won't be long now. The 45th bus just went by!"

A blonde's house is somehow set on fire so she runs outside to use a pay phone to call for help.

She gets the 911 operator, and is transferred to the firehouse.

"Mr. Fireman, my house is on fire. You have to help me!"

The Fireman replies, "Yes, yes Miss. And how do I find your house?"

The blonde pauses a moment, and replies, "Umm, it's the house that's on fire. You'll see the big red flames."

Realizing now that he's talking to a blonde, the fireman replies, "No Miss. You don't understand. How would you like me to get to your house?"

Reacting with frustration, she says, "A big red truck. Duh!"

A young blonde woman is distraught because she fears her husband is having an affair, so she goes to a gun shop and buys a handgun.

The next day she comes home to find her husband in bed with a beautiful redhead. She grabs the gun and holds it to her own head.

The husband jumps out of bed, begging and pleading with her not to shoot herself.

Hysterically the blonde screams back at the husband, "Shut up! You're next!"