Funny Jokes Blogger

Three pastors and their wives were car-pooling their way back from a revival when suddenly their van slid off the side of a cliff. Sadly, they were all killed. At the Pearly Gates, Peter called the first couple forward.

Looking through his book, Peter looked up at the first preacher sharply, "You hypocrit!" he boomed, "All you ever cared about in your life was money! 'Money is evil' 'Money won't buy you happiness!' 'Money THIS...' 'Money THAT...'. Yet you've hoarded money all your life! You were the wealthiest person in your whole community. In fact, you were so consumed with money that you married a woman named 'Penny,' isn't that so?" he demanded. Obviously shaken, the preacher meekly responded, "Y-yes, Sir, That's true..."

"Well, you DID preach the gospel, so I won't send you off to you-know-where, but you DON'T get to come in the FRONT gate. You have to walk all the way AROUND heaven and enter in the BACK door. Off you go!"

And the couple went shamefully on their way.

St. Peter leered at the next pastor, "And YOU!" Peter hissed. "All YOU ever talked and cared about was ALCOHOL! 'The bottle THIS...' and 'The bottle THAT...' Yet, you've been drunk nearly EVERY time you preached. In fact, you were so consumed with alcohol and drinking that you married a woman named 'Brandy', ISN'T THAT SO!!?" he accused. The pastor only nodded in shame.

"Well, you, too preached a powerful sermon -- despite being drunk -- so no hell for you either. But YOU don't get to come in the FRONT gate, either. You have to walk all the way AROUND heaven and enter in the BACK door. Off with you!" And the couple slowly shuffled off.

"And YOU!!..." St. Peter began.

The third Pastor held up his hand to silence St. Peter and turned to his wife and said, "We'd better start walkin', Fanny."

A priest, a doctor and an engineer were waiting one morning for a particularly slow group of golfers.

Engineer: "What's with these guys? We must have been waiting for 15 minutes!"

Doctor: "I don't know, but I've never seen such ineptitude!"

Priest: "Hey, here comes the greenskeeper. Let's have a word with him."

Priest: "Say, George, what's with that group ahead of us? They're rather slow, aren't they?"

George: "Oh, yes, that's a group of blind firefighters. They lost their sight saving our clubhouse from a fire last year, so we always let them play for free anytime."

The group was silent for a moment.

Priest: "That's so sad. I think I will say a special prayer for them tonight."

Doctor: "Good idea. And I'm going to contact my ophthalmologist buddy and see if there's anything he can do for them."

Engineer: "Why can't these guys play at night?"

There are two nice bachelor brothers who live with their mother, Jim and Bob. A business trip took Bob out of town for a few days but he promised to call home on a regular basis to find out how things are going.

As good as his word, Bob called home the next day and Jim answered the phone. Bob asked, "So how's everything going?"

Jim replied, "The cat's dead. He fell out the window."

Bob was furious at the way his brother responded to his question and told him the bad news in such a callouse manner. He told Jim his feelings in no uncertain terms.

Jim asked, "So how would you have liked me to respond?"

Bob went on, "First you could have told me that you accidentally left the window open. Then the cat jumped out of the window and landed on the small roof below. We called the emergency response team, who tried for nearly and hour to coax the cat back into the house all the while trying to reach him by ladder from the outside. In spite of everyone's efforts, the cat lost his footing fell off the roof and died from his injuries."

Jim responded, "Oh. I see..."

Bob then asked Jim, "So how's Mom?"

Jim said, "I accidentally left the window open and the cat got out. Well, see... it's like this... Mom went out the window onto the small roof to try to get the cat...."