Funny Jokes Blogger

A guy named Joe finds himself in dire trouble. His business has gone bust and he's in serious financial trouble. He's so desperate that he decides to ask God for help. He begins to pray...

"God, please help me. I've lost my business and if I don't get some money, I'm going to lose my house as well. Please let me win the lotto."

Lotto night comes and somebody else wins it.

Joe again prays...

"God, please let me win the lotto! I've lost my business, my house and I'm going to lose my car as well".

Lotto night comes and Joe still has no luck.

Once again, he prays...

"My God, why have you forsaken me?? I've lost my business, my house, and my car. My wife and children are starving. I don't often ask you for help and I have always been a good servant to you. PLEASE just let me win the lotto this one time so I can get my life back in order."

Suddenly there is a blinding flash of light as the heavens open and Joe is confronted by the voice of God Himself:

"Joe, meet Me halfway on this. Buy a ticket."

A priest was send to a very small church in the backwoods of Alaska. After a couple of years the Bishop decided to pay the priest a visit to see how he was doing. The priest said that it was a really lonely
job and that he didn't think that he could have made it without his Rosary and two martinis.

With that the priest said to the Bishop, "Would you like to have a martini with me?"

The Bishop said, "Yes, that would be nice."

The priest turned around and hollered toward the kitchen, "Rosary, would you fix us two martinis please?"

Boy Scouts from the city were on a camping trip. The mosquitoes were so fierce, the boys had to hide under their blankets to avoid being bitten. Then one of them saw some lightning bugs and said to his friend, "We might as well give up. They are coming after us with flashlights."

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Brian, a "cool" teenage boy continually challenges his conservative father by, wanting to have his ears pierced or his hair dyed. "Dad," he asked, "Would it be okay if I had S-T-U-D shaved in the back of my head?"

"Sure," came his Father's quick reply. "But only if you add a Y to it."

Four Catholic ladies were having coffee one afternoon, bragging to one another about their successful sons. The first woman tells her friends, "My son is a priest. When he walks into a room, everyone calls him 'Father'."

The second Catholic woman chirps in, "My son is a Bishop. Whenever he walks into a room, people call him 'Your Grace'."

The third woman crone says, "My son is a cardinal. Whenever he walks into a room, he's called 'Your Eminence'."

Since the fourth woman just sips her coffee in silence, the first three give her this subtle, "Well...?" sort of look.

"My son is 6'2" has broad square shoulders is terribly handsome and dresses exceptionally well. Whenever he walks into a room, women just say 'Oh my God...'."

A drunken man staggers in to a Catholic church and sits down in a confession box and says nothing.

The bewildered priest coughs to attract his attention, but still the man says nothing.

The priest then knocks on the wall three times in a final attempt to get the man to speak.

Finally, the drunk replies: "No use knockin' mate, there's no paper in
this one either."

Money doesn't bring you happiness, but it enables you to look for it in more places.

Your conscience may not keep you from doing wrong, but it sure keeps you from enjoying it.

Middle age is when broadness of the mind and narrowness of the waist change places.

Misers aren't much fun to live with, but they make great ancestors.

Be careful what rut you choose. You may be in it the rest of your life.

The trouble with bucket seats is that not everybody has the same size bucket.

When you see the handwriting on the wall, you can bet you're in a public restroom.

Opportunities always look bigger going than coming.

The real reason you can't take it with you is that it goes before you do.

A person who can smile when things go wrong has found someone to blame it on.

A modern pioneer is a person who can get through a rainy Saturday when the television's on the blink.

The world is full of willing people: some willing to work and some willing to let them.

Money isn't everything.... there's credit cards, money orders, and travelers checks.

Some people are like blisters. They don't show up until the work is done.

A true friend is one that lets his grass grow as tall as his neighbor's.

A baby-sitter is a teenager acting like an adult while the adults are out acting like teenagers.

If you don't know where you're going, you're never lost.

Experience is a wonderful thing. It enables you to recognize a mistake when you make it again.

A father and his son go into the grocery store when they happen upon the condom aisle. The son asks his father why there are so many different boxes of condoms. The father replies...well, you see that 3 pack? That's for when you're in high school. You have 2 for Friday night and 1 for Saturday night. The son then asks his father, well what's the 6 pack for? The father replies, well that's for when you're in college. You have 2 for Friday night, 2 for Saturday night, and 2 for Sunday morning.

Then the son asks his father what the 12 pack is for. The father replies, well that's for when you're married. You have one for January, one for February, one for March......