Funny Jokes Blogger

Once upon a midnight dreary, fingers cramped and vision bleary,
System manuals piled high and wasted paper on the floor,
Longing for the warmth of bedsheets, Still I sat there, doing spreadsheets: Having reached the bottom line, I took a floppy from the drawer.
Typing with a steady hand, I then invoked the SAVE command and waited for the disk to store,
Only this and nothing more.

Deep into the monitor peering, long I sat there wond'ring, fearing,
Doubting, while the disk kept churning, turning yet to churn some
more. "Save!" I said, "You cursed mother! Save my data from before!"
One thing did the phosphors answer, only this and nothing more, Just,
"Abort, Retry, Ignore?"

Was this some occult illusion? Some maniacal intrusion?
These were choices undesired, ones I'd never faced before.
Carefully, I weighed the choices as the disk made impish noises. The
cursor flashed, insistent, waiting, baiting me to type some more.
Clearly I must press a key, choosing one and nothing more, From
"Choose Abort, Retry, Ignore?"

With my fingers pale and trembling
Slowly toward the keyboard bending,
Longing for a happy ending, hoping all would be restored,
Praying for some guarantee
Timidly I pressed a key.
But on the screen there still persisted words appearing as before.
Ghastly grim they blinked and taunted, haunted, as my patience wore,
Saying "Abort, Retry, Ignore?"

I tried to catch the chips off-guard --
I pressed again, but twice as hard.
I pleaded with the cursed machine: I begged and cried and then I
swore. Now in desperation, trying random combinations, Still there
came the incantation, just as senseless as before. Cursor blinking,
angrily winking, blinking nonsense as before. Reading, "Abort, Retry,
Ignore?"

There I sat, distraught, exhausted by my own machine accosted
Getting up I turned away and paced across the office floor.
And then I saw dreadful sight: a lightning bolt cut through the
night. A gasp of horror overtook me, shook me to my core. The
lightning zapped my previous data, lost and gone forevermore. Not
even, "Abort, Retry, Ignore?"

To this day I do not know
The place to which lost data goes.
What demonic nether world is wrought where data will be stored,
Beyond the reach of mortal souls, beyond the ether, into black holes?
But sure as there's C, Pascal, Lotus, Ashton-Tate and more, You will
one day be left to wander, lost on some Plutonian shore, Pleading,
"Abort, Retry, Ignore?"

Reaching the end of a job interview, the human resources person asked a young engineer fresh out of MIT, "And what starting salary were you looking for?"

The engineer said, "In the neighborhood of $125,000 a year, depending on the benefits package."

The interviewer said, "Well, what would you say to a package of 5-weeks vacation, 14 paid holidays, full medical and dental, company matching retirement fund to 50% of salary, and a company car leased every 2 years - say, a red Corvette?"

The Engineer sat up straight and said, "Wow! Are you kidding?"

And the interviewer replied, "Yeah, but you started it."

Imagine if instead of cryptic, geeky text strings, your computer produced error messages in Haiku... they would read like these:

A file that big?
It might be very useful.
But now it is gone.

The Web site you seek
cannot be located,
but endless others exist.

Chaos reigns within.
Reflect, repent, and reboot.
Order shall return.

ABORTED effort:
Close all that you have.
You ask far too much.

First snow, then silence.
This thousand dollar screen
dies so beautifully.

With searching comes loss
and the presence of absence:
"My Novel" not found.

The Tao that is seen
is not the true Tao, until
you bring fresh toner.

Windows NT crashed.
I am the Blue Screen of Death.
No one hears your screams.

Stay the patient course.
Of little worth is your ire.
The network is down.

A crash reduces
your expensive computer
to a simple stone.

Yesterday it worked.
Today it is not working
'Windows' is like that.

Three things are certain:
Death, taxes, and lost data.
Guess which has occurred.

You step in the stream,
but the water has moved on.
This page is not here.

Out of memory.
We wish to hold the whole sky,
But we never will.

Having been erased,
the document you're seeking
must now be retyped.

Rather than a beep
or a rude error message,
these words: "File not found."

Serious error.
All shortcuts have disappeared.
Screen. Mind. Both are blank.

The following are new Windows messages that are under consideration for the planned Windows 2000:

1) Smash forehead on keyboard to continue.

2) Enter any 11-digit prime number to continue.

3) Press any key to continue or any other key to quit.

4) Press any key except... no, No, NO, NOT THAT ONE!

5) Press Ctrl-Alt-Del now for IQ test.

6) Close your eyes and press escape three times.

7) Bad command or file name! Go stand in the corner.

8) This will end your Windows session. Do you want to play another game?

9) Windows message: "Error saving file! Format drive now? (Y/Y)"

10) This is a message from God Gates: "Rebooting the world. Please log off."

11) To "shut down" your system, type "WIN."

12) BREAKFAST.SYS halted... Cereal port not responding.

13) COFFEE.SYS missing... Insert cup in cup holder and press any key.

14) CONGRESS.SYS corrupted... Re-boot Washington D.C? (Y/N)

15) File not found. Should I fake it? (Y/N)

16) Bad or missing mouse. Spank the cat? (Y/N)

17) Runtime Error 6D at 417A:32CF: Incompetent User.

18) Error reading FAT record: Try the SKINNY one? (Y/N)

19) WinErr 16547: LPT1 not found. Use backup. (PENCIL & PAPER.SYS)

20) User Error: Replace user.

21) Windows VirusScan 1.0 - "Windows found: Remove it? (Y/N)"

22) Welcome to Microsoft's World - Your Mortgage is Past Due...

23) If you are an artist, you should know that Bill Gates owns you and all your future creations. Doesn't it feel nice to have security?

24) Required Government Warning: After we got caught in cahoots with the hardware manufacturers for trying to needlessly fill your hard drives, the following message is now required as you save your files in Word.

"Word has detected that you don't wish to save your text file as a lumpy and space wasting .doc format filled with potential viruses. Would you like to save your old outdated ascii file as a Word file anyway?"

25) Your hard drive has been scanned and all stolen software titles have been deleted. The police are on the way.